It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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