The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
