She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
