Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
