Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize