I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
porn star boner night. come get it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
