You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
