Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
