Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
