I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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