im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
