You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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