I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
