When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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