I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
