did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
