the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
