I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
