you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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