her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
