none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize