We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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