omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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