Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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