my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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