The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
