I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
