I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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