Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
