I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
