Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
