I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
