So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
