the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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