I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have post one night stand depression
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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