Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
