I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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