I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
