I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
