I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
