trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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