the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
