my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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