Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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