Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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