I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
