I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
