Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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