All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
