i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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