oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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