After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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