He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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