i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
