When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
