it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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