hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
