i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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