U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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