Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
