On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
