He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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