I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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