You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
