Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize