Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
