Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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