There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
