in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
