your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
