his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize