it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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