Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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