I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
