She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
