woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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