so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize