That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
