5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
