let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize
