i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
