the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
