Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
