They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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