barbara walters just said penis...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
