White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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