She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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