There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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