Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
