How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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