By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
