You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
