Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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