peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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