if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
