You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
