i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
