You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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