due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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