I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
