Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize