i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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